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Jan. 28th, 2003 06:32 pmIt's been quite a while since I've updated this journal, and yet, I don't particularly have anything to write about because nothing noteworthy has happened. My life is that boring. Most of my time is spent reading and/or watching TV. (Mostly figure skating lately.)
Have just finished reading "Anne of Ingleside". Not as torturously boring as other Anne books, but approaching it. I had grown quite fond of Walter though, and on the second to last page, it is alluded to that he will die in World War I. GRR. I hate it when Maud Montgomery does this! She'll tell you that a character is going to die, long before you even have reason to fear it. It's heinously distracting. When I read the next book, I won't be able to read a thing about Walter without "He's going to DIE!" sounding in the back of my mind. Grr.
Am going to start reading "The Horse and His Boy" from the Chronicles of Narnia before I start the next Anne book though. I remember this being my favorite Narnia book when I read it long ago, but I've completely forgotten most of it, so it promises to be quite exciting. :-D
Speaking of torturously boring books, I'm attempting to read the new little American Girl Kaya books. I loved the American Girl books when I was younger, and they really are good; I've been thinking of re-reading them lately. But these new Kaya books are just stupid. Kaya is supposed to be Nez Perce Indian, but the books are written by a white author who just doesn't have an understanding of the culture. The books feel more like 'white people go camping' than how native peoples actually lived. I mean, I'm white and I'm reading it going, "Oh come on! Even I know this isn't how this is supposed to be!" or whatever. Would it have killed them to get an actual Native American author? Or at least one who knows that a sweat lodge is not just like a sauna in some turkish bath house for crying out loud?!
Yes, all I have to write about are the books I'm reading. But is that entirely a bad thing? I chose this. I made a conscious decision that I was going to cut out all the negative influences in my life, like public school, and friends who didn't give a damn about all the times I helped them out and fixed their problems. I know that I want to write, and study history, costuming, sociology, psychology, philosophy and all that fun stuff that I like, but everybody else has tried to discourage me from. I know what I want out of my life. I know where I'm going. So why shouldn't I start doing what it takes to get there? Sure, it would be nice if I had friends to hang out with and laugh with all the time, but we just grew apart. The minute they became 'teenagers' they lost interest in everything that we used to do together, and abandoned their old dreams in favor of becoming society's idea of what a teenage girl should be. And they tried to make me do the same. But I won't do that. I won't change who I am for anybody else. It may be harder to let go, and say no, I need to live for me for once, put my needs before anybody else's for the first time in my life; but I had to if I wanted to save myself. I was hard, and sometimes it still is, but when I think about it, I know it's better this way, then still futily holding on like I was for a while, when I would hang up the phone after talking to my former best friend, and cry in frustration because she treated me like crap even after all the sacrifices I made for her.
I won't do that anymore.
I know that sitting at home reading Jane Austen and L.M. Montgomery, watching figure skating, writing novels and Harry Potter fanfic, giggling over getting "Mrs. Remus Lupin" on a quiz, getting excited when the library gets in a new history book, and dreaming of being a publised author isn't what everyone expects from a sixteen year old girl, but it's what I like, what I want, and I chose it. I'm happy with it. Really, genuinely happy.
This entry turned out to be a lot more serious than I'd expected! And a LOT longer! Far too long! But I'm posting it anyway, even as I'm imagining the screams of horror from all my lj buddies. Sorry guys! Feel free to ignore me. I just had to finally get that out of my system. But if anybody understands that, I know it would be you guys! ;-D
Have just finished reading "Anne of Ingleside". Not as torturously boring as other Anne books, but approaching it. I had grown quite fond of Walter though, and on the second to last page, it is alluded to that he will die in World War I. GRR. I hate it when Maud Montgomery does this! She'll tell you that a character is going to die, long before you even have reason to fear it. It's heinously distracting. When I read the next book, I won't be able to read a thing about Walter without "He's going to DIE!" sounding in the back of my mind. Grr.
Am going to start reading "The Horse and His Boy" from the Chronicles of Narnia before I start the next Anne book though. I remember this being my favorite Narnia book when I read it long ago, but I've completely forgotten most of it, so it promises to be quite exciting. :-D
Speaking of torturously boring books, I'm attempting to read the new little American Girl Kaya books. I loved the American Girl books when I was younger, and they really are good; I've been thinking of re-reading them lately. But these new Kaya books are just stupid. Kaya is supposed to be Nez Perce Indian, but the books are written by a white author who just doesn't have an understanding of the culture. The books feel more like 'white people go camping' than how native peoples actually lived. I mean, I'm white and I'm reading it going, "Oh come on! Even I know this isn't how this is supposed to be!" or whatever. Would it have killed them to get an actual Native American author? Or at least one who knows that a sweat lodge is not just like a sauna in some turkish bath house for crying out loud?!
Yes, all I have to write about are the books I'm reading. But is that entirely a bad thing? I chose this. I made a conscious decision that I was going to cut out all the negative influences in my life, like public school, and friends who didn't give a damn about all the times I helped them out and fixed their problems. I know that I want to write, and study history, costuming, sociology, psychology, philosophy and all that fun stuff that I like, but everybody else has tried to discourage me from. I know what I want out of my life. I know where I'm going. So why shouldn't I start doing what it takes to get there? Sure, it would be nice if I had friends to hang out with and laugh with all the time, but we just grew apart. The minute they became 'teenagers' they lost interest in everything that we used to do together, and abandoned their old dreams in favor of becoming society's idea of what a teenage girl should be. And they tried to make me do the same. But I won't do that. I won't change who I am for anybody else. It may be harder to let go, and say no, I need to live for me for once, put my needs before anybody else's for the first time in my life; but I had to if I wanted to save myself. I was hard, and sometimes it still is, but when I think about it, I know it's better this way, then still futily holding on like I was for a while, when I would hang up the phone after talking to my former best friend, and cry in frustration because she treated me like crap even after all the sacrifices I made for her.
I won't do that anymore.
I know that sitting at home reading Jane Austen and L.M. Montgomery, watching figure skating, writing novels and Harry Potter fanfic, giggling over getting "Mrs. Remus Lupin" on a quiz, getting excited when the library gets in a new history book, and dreaming of being a publised author isn't what everyone expects from a sixteen year old girl, but it's what I like, what I want, and I chose it. I'm happy with it. Really, genuinely happy.
This entry turned out to be a lot more serious than I'd expected! And a LOT longer! Far too long! But I'm posting it anyway, even as I'm imagining the screams of horror from all my lj buddies. Sorry guys! Feel free to ignore me. I just had to finally get that out of my system. But if anybody understands that, I know it would be you guys! ;-D
